Boredom

I've been thinking a lot about personal responsibility because of David Bohl's great post that I picked up in my recent Carnival of Trust post.

This morning, my daughter and I were having an interesting conversation. She's a couple weeks away from turning six which means she's constantly thinking about a lot of weird stuff and asks a lot of seemingly random questions. She asked me what "bored" means.

She's my fourth (and last) kid. Having three other kids (ages 14, 15 and 23) I've heard at least a couple hundred thousand (rough estimate) exasperated "I'm so bored" statements. Why do kids expect us, their parents, to fix their boredom?

So, I thought, wow, maybe if I define this for her right, I won't have to hear "I'm bored" another hundred thousand times in the next ten or so years.

Somewhat pleased with myself, and inspired by that above-mentioned post on responsibility, I answered her: "Bored is how you feel when you haven't yet decided what you're going to do next."

This makes me think about boredom in jobs, boredom with where we are in life. Has a lot to do with proactivity and decisiveness, doesn't it?

Also has me thinking about needing to teach our kids to rely on themselves more. If we leap to entertain them when they're bored (and what parent hasn't, even if just to shut them up??) how will they learn to be responsible for their own feelings and take action?

Aside from my 'boring' example, are there other ways we unitentionally help kids or employees, or even bosses, be less personally responsible?

Comments

[Ron Baker]

You should have just handed her a copy of my book as your answer.

[Shama Hyder]

Hi Michelle,

I would think that kids have less "control" when they are bored. Adults can go for a drive, pop-in a movie, read a book, etc.

If parents provided enough intellectually stimulating options, then kids can be held responsible for their own "boredom."

*disclosure-I don't have kids yet.* = )

[Mark Bailey]

As leaders, everytime we micromanage our associates we take away opportunity and responsibility from them. Whether it's 'managing' through time sheets or setting the standards and parameters for their individual careers, our business model in the service professions is based on control and measurement.

If you take that responsibility for the control of their own destiny and opportunity away from anyone is it a surprise they become 'bored'?

We don't do time sheets, and we don't do written annual performance evaluations in our firm and we're the second happiest place on earth.

[Debra Helwig]

Fabulous post, Michelle!

It is somewhat ironic that in our current "DIY" world, we still tend to rush in to "rescue" our co-workers, our spouses, our children...

Some of it is the illusion that we're actually causing less burden for ourselves (if I do this for him/her, then I won't have to listen to whining, do more work later, etc. etc. etc.) But it's that age-old principle of giving a man a fish/teaching a man to fish. We may have more pain in the short run, but by not taking the extra step of "doing for", in the long run we're much better off.

One of the biggest examples I've seen of this - both with children and co-workers - is when folks "run interference" for a problem kid or boss. Taking steps to explain away or mitigate your colleague's (or child's) bad behavior might make YOUR relationships with injured parties better in the short term, but it does nothing at all to fix the problem or teach the perpetrator how to stop doing hurtful things. Your grey hair quotient goes up, and they stay oblivious. Not a way to live, at work or at home!

[Wendy Nemitz]

Long boring summers of exploring the world near the farm where I grew up fostered creativity and self reliance. I am sure my mother heard "I am bored" a million times but did nothing for us, assuming boredom is part of being a kid. I am too busy to wonder if my employees are bored. I hope not!

[Ed Kless]

Late to the party here, but I wanted to contribute my Irish Catholic grandmother's solution to "I'm bored."

She promptly handed me a rosary and said, "Here, pray to get some poor souls out of purgatory."

I was never bored again, sorry if I have left some poor souls behind.